I've concluded that trying to create a design system in Figma that doesn't connect at all to the code engineers build is really a waste of time.

It's really only potentially useful for designers to speed up mockups by being able to drop in components and use type and color styles to put together a new page. Even that only works if every designer actually knows how to use the components and actually does so. Which, at least where I work and for the product I work on, doesn't happen. So yeah, it's a chore that always goes to the back burner in favor of actual deadline work.